LONG TIME, NO BLOG: Many Things Have Changed.

When we first met, I was a graduating Dentistry student. Although I never really said (more like, typed) it out loud, this blog and I went through so much together-- existential crises, passing practical exams, graduating, and ultimately becoming a dentist. I don't even know anymore the exact point when I abandoned blogging, all I know is that my most-read posts were those I wrote about Dentist Licensure Exam preparations.

I really don't want my paint myself as academically-inclined. Many things have happened through the years I've spent offline, and so many of those involved life choices that are very far from what you would expect from the eyeliner-donned, Starbucks-loving, dress-wearing girl you met in 2018.

In spite of being a statistic millennial well-known for using their 20s as a period of delayed adolescence, I'd like to think that I'd grown up. Little by little, I grew up. I don't have much to show for, but the little things I have now, I know, are completely mine. So where exactly am I going..? Oh yes, I've digressed. I'm a graduate student now. Six years ago, I went on a trip to Hong Kong. On my birthday, I made it such a priority to visit The University of Hong Kong. The thing is, I always knew that I was made for further studies. When I was younger, I had an obsession with getting a Master of Dental Surgery Major in Oral and Maxillofacial Surgery degree. I remember a time when I simply never shut up about it, in spite of the fact that Dentistry undergrad was already a struggle to graduate from. I fell into rabbit holes of school websites after school websites after school websites. You name it-- HKU, NUS, NTU, NYMU, HKU.. I was obsessed with them all. In retrospect, while the obsession was evident, those dreams felt like empty words that I would throw into the air. -here was something about HKU that felt special, if you will. I knew that it was expensive, and I had high doubts that my parents would let me go, but there was something about HKU that I had to see. There was something about literally walking around the campus picturing myself as a beautiful dentist on her way to getting her Master's Degree. Really, there was something.

That HKU trip felt like a wake-up call, really. It was like after semesters and semesters of feeling like a loser, I finally had the courage to dream again, I finally had a goal. Still, probably due to some deep-seated lack of confidence, I somehow managed to dream small and big at the same time. I just told myself that one day, I would pursue a Master's Degree. Many things have happened since that day. I graduated, took the licensure exam, got my license. I got an Orthodontics scholarship from one of the best-known Ortho study clubs (and indefinitely deferred it, and then pandemic hit, so I honestly don't know what would happen to that), took an Oral Surgery enhancement program, became a freelance dentist in three cities, became a weekend dentist at a very Instagrammable mall in Southern Tagalog. I applied for a job, trained for that job, got very painfully injured, retrained, became serialized. No, seriously-- many things happened. This is where the bittersweet reality somewhat set in. When people grow, they change; and while it's not necessarily a bad thing, priorities simply change, interests simply expand, and goals simply broaden. I love being a dentist, and I still see myself pursuing a specialty some time in the future (though I need to say that OMS went from being my only choice to now being my second choice, I think I'm more of a Periodontology girl now), it's just that there are also other things I'm also interested in, and I deem worth exploring also. Fast forward, 2022, also on my birthday, I had successfully paid my fees, and just like that-- I've become a graduate student. I am now taking Master in Public Management at the Ateneo School of Government. Yes, I'm fully aware of how far it is from Dentistry. The degree I used to dream about is very different from the degree I'm pursuing now, and the university I'm in isn't directly analogous to all the universities I used to daydream about; still, considering the life I have now (a life that I actually like), it works. Though my life decisions really sound confusing to many people, I'm happy. Somehow, and in some bizarre way, my reality is more beautiful than all the dreams I had. <3

By the way, remember that job I told you about--? I still have that job. I really won't sugarcoat it at all-- It really can get demanding at times, and while a few years ago, I never imagined that I'd be a graduate student while working a full-time job, this one actually works. While I'm really planning to separately write about why I chose this program at this school specifically, maybe it's also a good idea to tell you as early as now that scheduling played a really big part in the decision. I had to make sure that getting my Master's Degree would not eat up my time that's meant for actually performing my actual job. Again, it works out, because I honestly have no social life.. While I'm far from being a role model, I guess if anybody wants to take anything away from this, it's that it's always okay to have dreams and to set goals-- having beautiful dreams are not reserved for the achievers of the world. It's also okay to alter your plans, even if it means deviating a bit from what you had initially set out to do. It's always just about doing what makes us happy, really. You'd think that after abandoning my blog for more than two years, I would have figured out how to properly end posts-- but no. I still end posts the same way. Very awkwardly. Many things change, but some things don't.